September 22, 2009

So, I was looking for a book this morning. I couldn’t find the hot red covered romance novel I picked up at the Used book store. I am sure it is in a pile with the laundry I just brought home from my in-laws. (Washing machine died a week ago). So, I picked up a book off of the shelve that I kept for some reason. I debated about Pamela Anderson’s Star, (very trashy and easy read) but decided upon Babyville by Jane Green.

I don’t know why I kept this book for so many years, and through so many purges of the library. Why did I insist on keeping this book? I know why I have kept many books, for sentimental reasons, good stories, fave authors, good for a laugh, and etc. But why this one?

So far, on page 10, I think. I bought and read this book before I had baby. Before I conceived. I bought this story, along with many books I read at the time, about couples dealing with the issues of the dreams of motherhood, obsessions with ovulation calendars, and all the feelings within.

It makes me think of my own story and struggle a little. I have been asked to tell my story many a times, friends and family have asked to tell it to others, my own story of hope for motherhood. Maybe one day I’ll write it down too.



The 7 year itch…

September 21, 2009

The first time I saw Marilyn Monroe in "The Seven Year Itch", I loved it. I have watched that movie hundreds of time. Yet, I never fully understood what the Seven Year Itch really was.

Now, that I am watching my friends over the past few years talk about their partners and marital issues. The one thing I am seeing with all of the issues, is that the problems start around that 7 year mark. Now, the problems vary, from household responsibilities, to bedroom issues, to money, kids, videogames, booze, and flirtations with others… and the worse case scenario, divorce.

I still thought that it was just a coincidence, and no, it won’t happen to me… but then I see that the American Psychological Association has a report about the 7 year itch!

So, it is real, it does happen, and according to the report, it happens more with couples with small children!

So, as I look in the mirror, and realize I am entering the 7th year of my marriage soon….


Romance novels

September 18, 2009

Reading romance novels early in the morning at work can be disruptive.

As much fun as they are, they can cloud your mind, which does provide a good escape, but can lead to some fumbles…
I just replied to one of those emails one of my friends sent. Under the line of what are your favorite smells, I wrote
"Little man’s head and Dear Husband’s chest after a hot shower."

Now where is my mind? And then I just get fixated on the hot shower, towel, and…
And it’s barely noon.

this is a test

September 16, 2009

just testing to see if i can email in posts!


August 23, 2009

So it’s been a long time since I have posted.  Time has not given me a few minutes to write, and my brain has not given me time to write, and for all the many other reasons, I have not written.  I have thought about writing, I have written things in my head, but I have not actually put words down.  This is one of those bad habits of mine that happens from time to time.  I want to write, but there is so much some times in my head and then I tell myself that I’m not a writer, there are other more prolific and talented writers in the family, etc, etc.  Yet, I must remind myself that I can write, and I need to write, and this blog is not for others, it’s not for commercial uses, it’s for me.

Now, from time to time, I scribble into a notebook.  I have several around the house that contain my thoughts to grocery lists, to measurements for Lowes and drawings from Little Man.  Of course, as I stated, they are scattered, and all over the place.

Well, two things about writing have happened this summer.  Well, I guess 3.

1.  I started attending the evenings with Authors at Thurber House.  After listening to several authors talking about the writing process, I had my head full.  Do I have a story that is trying to get out?  Where do I write?  What is my process?  I started to blame the computer situation in the house.   My Dear Husband has been great about sharing one cpu.  But, at the end of the 10 hour day when I work on the cpu and phone all day long it’s hard to want to play on the cpu.  It’s not you computer, it’s me.

2.  As I mentioned, I have notebooks scattered around the house.  One of these, my smallest one, I had in the diaper bag for grocery lists, drawings, and etc.  Well, Dear Husband was using it to write down ideas for a float for the DooDah parade.  He left it over at a friend’s house overnight.  The next day, I was at our friend’s house and they mentioned our grocery list and how healthy we eat.  I was a little embarrassed, if they found that, what else did they read?  When I found the book, it was mainly full of lists and drawings, and little else.  They did find great humour into our grocery list, and I realized those lists can be very personal and telling.

3.  I was playing with google during a slow day at work, and stumbled upon my Mother’s blog.  At a time where I was feeling that I couldn’t connect with my Mom, there it was, her blog.  I felt like I was invading, but I figure, if she found mine, she would do the same, read a little, and not mention it.  I read the post about my Grandmother’s passing, and there was a photo of me, Little Man and Grandma.  I had been thinking of Grandma again, she passed when she was 99.  It feels like ages ago, but it was just about 6 months ago.

After Reading Twenties Girl by Sophie Kinsella, I have been thinking about my Grandma a lot.  She was a wild one in her day, and there is so much to say about her.

Just finding the words.   And time.  Little Man is curled up with me, begging for an arm to hold.  I am told that these times with him are going to go fast, Little boys don’t cuddle up after some time.  So, I will cuddle and end this post.

Lesser wrote about milestones.. #1 Mommy Edition

May 25, 2009

It’s been a full week.  Reason#1 why I am going to do a select series of posts, “lesser wrote about milestones”.  I have been thinking about which one to write about for several days, since LM has gone through several of these in rapid succession.  But, I won’t bore you with the details of all of them at once, but categorizing which one to write about first is a toughie.

So much to say!  But I think I will start with this one. I have several for LM, but this one has been brewing, it’s for the mommies.

Lesser wrote about milestones – Mommy edition.

#1.  When Hemorrhoids come up in polite conversation at a cookout.

I was at a nice family event, keeping eye on Little Man, and enjoying adult conversation.  I even had a glass of wine.  And then I heard a new father commenting about hemorrhoids.  “What’s the deal with hemorrhoids, after all!”  My head snapped back.  I heard myself shout, “Now, don’t you go start talking about hemorrhoids, you don’t even understand.  And don’t make fun of your wife for them..”  I was enraged.  My pregnant cousin gave a polite laugh, and I don’t know why I was so enraged.  I obviously stepped into a conversation that I wasn’t involved with at the first place, and I just assumed he was making fun of pregnant women, new moms and one problem that some of us get, hemorrhoids.

The conversation quieted and changed gears.  I settled down.  But later in the night, I realized that the use of the word of hemorrhoids, was much worse.

Towards the end of the night, as the toddlers were worn out, little fights were starting, tears were sputtering, and I just got LM comforted and he was back to playing nicely.  At this time, the same gentleman was “comforting” his little man by calling him a “little hemorrhoid”.  Yes, he actually said, “Come here you little hemorrhoid.”

I will never call my LM a hemorrhoid.  A hemorrhoid is something you don’t want, and something we all try to avoid and get rid of.  Which is why it has come up in conversations, especially with my new mom friends (I always recommend fiber pills).

But to call another person that which what several of us get during those wonderful time of pregnancy and new mother hood???  Ugh. 

Milestone #2 Mommy Edition – How to not rip the head off of jerk parent in front of child.

Back in the day…

May 12, 2009

I  got happy connecting with a woman the other day who was going out to photograph a drag show pageant.  My, how I loved going to those, “back in the day”.  “You should come!”  she told me.  “No, I…” I stammered.  No, I couldn’t come to a drag show, I didn’t feel right asking DH for another night out, and I know that I really wanted to be home for LM’s bedtime ritual, plus the night would go long, because drag queens are never on time, and I really enjoy having a few precious hours of sleep before a day of work… So, no, I didnt go to the drag show.  I actually forgot all about it until a few days later, she told me how much fun it was.  Then I realized that I forgot about even trying to go to it!

When I think about things “back in the day”, do I miss them?  No.  I feel at times odd with myself when I turn down things I would love to do, to stay at home and do things that I love to do now.  It’s the conflict between before mom and after mom.  The difference between going out for happy hour with friends, or making dinner and enjoying bathtime with LM.

And I know singles or non parents can’t really understand,  though I am impressed with my friends who do understand and give me the space.  We can do drinks one night a week, preferably after LM has had dinner, bath and maybe a bedtime story.  If I have a community meeting to go to, I bring LM with.  He is a part of me, and I want to spend time with him.

Sometimes I reflect upon things that I used to do, “back in the day”, like dusk bike rides.  Now that LM is the right age, I can get the bike seat for my bike, and we can go for a ride.  But last year, my bike just collected dust.   My yoga class pass has expired, becuase I can’t seem to find one that matches our current schedule, with the exception of family yoga every few weeks.  Our old fave bars and restaurants may still recognize DH and I, but they don’t know our orders anymore, we aren’t regulars.

But there are new things.  We have found an excellent Mexican restaurant that LM loves.  He actually licks the salsa right off the tortilla chip.  They also have tasty margaritas, and DH, LM and I can have a nice night out.  As long as I wear something that can get refritos, cheese and salsa all over it, we’re good.

So, when I think of the “back in the day” things, I look forward to the new things we can do now, as a family.  Just watching LM explore our world is amazing.  And I don’t regret not making that drag show.  There will be another.