I got happy connecting with a woman the other day who was going out to photograph a drag show pageant. My, how I loved going to those, “back in the day”. “You should come!” she told me. “No, I…” I stammered. No, I couldn’t come to a drag show, I didn’t feel right asking DH for another night out, and I know that I really wanted to be home for LM’s bedtime ritual, plus the night would go long, because drag queens are never on time, and I really enjoy having a few precious hours of sleep before a day of work… So, no, I didnt go to the drag show. I actually forgot all about it until a few days later, she told me how much fun it was. Then I realized that I forgot about even trying to go to it!
When I think about things “back in the day”, do I miss them? No. I feel at times odd with myself when I turn down things I would love to do, to stay at home and do things that I love to do now. It’s the conflict between before mom and after mom. The difference between going out for happy hour with friends, or making dinner and enjoying bathtime with LM.
And I know singles or non parents can’t really understand, though I am impressed with my friends who do understand and give me the space. We can do drinks one night a week, preferably after LM has had dinner, bath and maybe a bedtime story. If I have a community meeting to go to, I bring LM with. He is a part of me, and I want to spend time with him.
Sometimes I reflect upon things that I used to do, “back in the day”, like dusk bike rides. Now that LM is the right age, I can get the bike seat for my bike, and we can go for a ride. But last year, my bike just collected dust. My yoga class pass has expired, becuase I can’t seem to find one that matches our current schedule, with the exception of family yoga every few weeks. Our old fave bars and restaurants may still recognize DH and I, but they don’t know our orders anymore, we aren’t regulars.
But there are new things. We have found an excellent Mexican restaurant that LM loves. He actually licks the salsa right off the tortilla chip. They also have tasty margaritas, and DH, LM and I can have a nice night out. As long as I wear something that can get refritos, cheese and salsa all over it, we’re good.
So, when I think of the “back in the day” things, I look forward to the new things we can do now, as a family. Just watching LM explore our world is amazing. And I don’t regret not making that drag show. There will be another.